Sometimes I have so much to say, but it won’t come out. It makes me feel trapped. Silent screams begging for someone to rescue me from me. The thoughts bombard me. The emotions overwhelm me. Peace escapes me. Loneliness overtakes me. This is what failed love feels like.
I want to be loved. I long to be cherished. I pray to be found. I hope. I hope that love meets me where I am. That helps me grow and understands. I need it to wipe my tears especially when I encounter my fears. My fear is but one and that is that love may never come.
Some fear death and others failure, but mine is being alone. Mine is never having that one to call my own. To never kiss my sweet child’s face. To walk alone at only my pace. We were born just to die, but in between fulfill greatness before the day of the opened sky. Well, my greatness is to love forever and always just one. To me, that is the ultimate one and done.
God, why do you mock me? Why do you let me see all this love around me? Have you forgotten about me? How could you make me this way and leave me in this desolate place? Answer me! I’m trying to do everything you asked of me and still, I feel empty.
Do I dream because it’s realistic to want more? Am I denied because I need to learn more? I’ve seen you bless others for way less. Here I am unsettled and in duress. Frankly, I’m stressed. The physical pain I feel won’t let me be. First dull and subtle and then sharp and stabbing, oh why such agony.
How can I be called so strongly to love just to be left behind? God, please slow down this time because mine seems to be running out. I want grandkids I can laugh with and talk about. I want someone to live my dreams with and others leave my legacy to. I want someone to say there is no me without you, but who?
I feel like a convict doing time. Trapped inside the walls of my mind. Is everyone around me blind? I’m sick of false prophets of the heart. I want what is pure and genuine and doesn’t fall apart, but where do I start? Where do I go? Where is the part that connects to me like a jigsaw puzzle fitting my every curve ever so perfectly? In this chess game where is the king to protect his queen? Stuck like glue and bonded for eternity. Where is the one that when I look in his eyes I reflect back to me cause I’m all he sees?
I just want to know. God, did you forget about me?