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November 16, 2017

The Curse of Comparison

Hey Lovies,

Let’s talk! Why do we measure ourselves against other people? I don’t mean in the sense of admiration or mentor-mentee relationship although in some cases it could fit. I’m talking about how women look at other women and say I want to be like her. Her hair is so long, her skin is so flawless, her physique is perfect, she has an amazing career and or she has the perfect husband and family. All the while not realizing that we are subjecting ourselves to perception and making it our reality.

In a world where social media continues to allow platforms that produce perfection with every swipe and validation based on likes, it is easy to fall prey to this. There is nothing wrong with admiration, but once admiration turns into obsession and we begin to pick ourselves apart, we have reached the danger zone.

The reason I call comparison a curse is because I have dealt with it personally and know first-hand the effects of it. Depression can easily creep in like a thief in the night and before you know it, here you are in a lonely and desolate place feeling like a failure and your fate. Then one day I got a wake-up call and realized comparison is a device of the devil used to take our eyes off of God and place it on man. It lures us to praise the appearance of the perfection in man when none is perfect, but the Father. It robs us of appreciating the many blessings God has given us. Comparison causes us to covet, which violates one of the Ten Commandments. It produces defeating thoughts that negatively influence our self-awareness, which can lead to low self-esteem and a lack of self-worth. Simply put, it is the thief of joy.

Surely you all can now see why I call comparison a curse. The pivotal moment that brought this epiphany came almost 2 years ago when Pastor Chris, my church home pastor, challenged us to fast social media for a week and just seek God. That week changed my life. It caused me to really talk to God and hear from him. By tuning the world off, I was able to hear him clearer and gain perspective. My heart was light. My emotions were pure and not infiltrated with negativity. My thoughts were good toward myself and others and overall, I was just a happier me. It was a sobering experience and one that I encourage others to try. I can guarantee you will be refreshed and refocused, whether you struggle with a comparison issue or not.

Once I gained a new perspective, I was able to identify when I was allowing comparison to creep in and attempt to steal my joy. Let’s face it. Life is filled with ups and downs. Our friends get engaged, married, and have babies and we remain single. Businesses like ours seem to be prospering while ours appear to be failing. Others are being promoted at work while we are stuck in a stagnant position. Our weight is going up instead of down despite our desperate efforts to get the perfect bod. Finances aren’t increasing and we find ourselves living pay check to pay check instead of walking in financial freedom and the list goes on…but guess what?

You are alive, you are in good health, you may be single, but you are crushing your goals. Your business may not be where you want it to be, but at least you have one and if you re-strategize and market correctly it can catapult you into a realm of success. Your promotion will come whether it’s on the job you are currently working or moving to another agency. You just keep doing your best where you are and God will surely honor your faithfulness. You will lose the weight once you set realistic/attainable goals for yourself and establish your desperate why. Next thing you know, you will be a healthier you and well on your way to achieving your physical goals. Oh and that money issue, well, after sitting down and developing a budget and sticking to it or hiring a financial planner to show you the bigger picture and give you a plan to follow, you will be well on your way to financial freedom.

You see what we see on social media is subjective. It’s time for us to realize that everything we see is not the truth. Success is relative just like failure is. It’s time for us to step out of the curse and into appreciation.

Here are 5 steps that will help you defeat comparison and embrace appreciation:

  1. Every day take a few moments to write down three things you are thankful for. This will remind you just how sweet your life really is.
  2. Recite your positive affirmations daily. I provided 60 amazing affirmations if you need help with that in this post from earlier this week. This will boost your confidence and help you to appreciate yourself.
  3. Rejoice with others. The more we cheer others on in their pursuits the more fulfilled we will find ourselves because one day you will want others to be happy for you as you reach milestones and goals.
  4. Cancel out defeating thoughts by replacing them with good ones. Every time a negative thought comes to your mind silence it by intentionally thinking the opposite.
  5. Get rid of the thing that is causing you to fall prey to the curse of comparison. This can be done through a periodic fasting period or simply eliminating it from your life.

 

Lovies, I challenge you to fast social media for a week before the New Year. If you have a business, organize and schedule your post and then log out and let technology do the work. This will be an awesome way to set your intentions for the New Year and free your mind and heart.

Remember: “Don’t compare your life to others. There’s no comparison between the sun and the moon. They shine when it’s their time.” – Unknown

Filed Under: Life & Love Tagged With: comparison, life lessons, motivation, realization, self-actualization

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Comments

  1. Crystal Nicole says

    November 16, 2017 at 9:55 AM

    This came right on time. I’ve already made the plan to schedule my posts for December and fast from social media all December. Thank you for this!

    • lovemarliceia says

      November 18, 2017 at 9:37 PM

      You are so welcome. I pray you gain refreshing and perspective.

  2. Brit says

    November 16, 2017 at 12:18 PM

    This was great, and so spot on!

    • lovemarliceia says

      November 18, 2017 at 9:38 PM

      Thank you! I am glad you enjoyed it.

  3. Bridgid says

    November 16, 2017 at 4:09 PM

    This is great. I have to admit I have always struggled with comparing myself to people who seem to have a thriving social life and lots of friends. I know that most of that stuff looks a lot better on social media than what it is in real life but it’s still hard to see when I live in a new city with no friends, family, or social life. Your steps are helpful. I have definitely began to try and meet new people and make friends. Thanks for sharing. wish me luck! <3

    • lovemarliceia says

      November 18, 2017 at 9:41 PM

      Trust me, I totally understand. I have been there. Being in a new place where you don’t know anyone can definitely leave you lonely at times, but in order to make new friends, you have show yourself friendly. It’s time for you to get out there and make great friends. I am so glad the steps I provided are helpful to you and I have no doubt you will have friends that you can experience life with, in no time.

  4. Zuqueta says

    November 20, 2017 at 9:55 AM

    This was so necessary for me today. Thank you for sharing this reminder!

    • lovemarliceia says

      November 21, 2017 at 5:49 AM

      You are welcome. I’m so glad that it helped.

  5. Jailyn says

    November 21, 2017 at 11:46 AM

    This came at just the right time. Ive been fasting to clear my head…i feel as if I hit a block professionally and its beginning to mess with my confidence. Thank you so much for sharing this. It might be easier said than done, but having the reminder is super helpful.
    P.s. I linked back to this post in my blog since I found it so helpful

    • lovemarliceia says

      November 23, 2017 at 12:55 PM

      Aww, thank you. I hope it definitely inspires others.

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